So when I was presented with the opportunity to pose for a boudoir shoot with the uber-talented Claire Pearce and Unbuttoned Photography here in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, I thought “Hmmm…that could be fun!” - a thought that was immediately followed by, “If my grandmother was alive, would she disown me?” and ”Umm, how much am I really comfortable with folks seeing of me?”

See, I am not someone who likes putting her body on display – mostly because like approximately 91% of american women – I’m not totally 100% comfortable with my body. I’m more like 60% comfortable with my body. On a good day, a little more. On a bad day, a lot less.

Much like many of those other 91% of women, I have had a hate affair with my body for years. Since I was 11 years old, I have dieted, binged, sucked in, thrown up, starved,  excessively worked out, called my body names – and none of it has made me love my body any more, surprisingly.

I have looked at myself in the mirror – more times than I would like to recall – and said vile, hateful things to myself than I wouldn’t dare say to my worst enemy. I’ve been lovingly – and not-so-lovingly – called curvy, thick, voluptuous and big-boned when all I ever wanted to be was thin and petite. People would even intend it to be a compliment and I would find myself utterly disgusted.

Well, I am tired of hating what I am and wanting to be what I am not. No more. I work too hard and love life too much to let my distorted view of my body get me down. I eat well, work out almost every day and it’s not fair to myself to hold myself to some unrealistic expectation. I have let this dichotomy of what I think I should be versus what I am hold me back from dreams, wound relationships and keep me from a more confident version of myself that I’ve always known was in there. I have spent 35 years of my life letting my body be my albatross. And, well, I’m sick of it. But it’s not just me. It’s you, it’s your mom, it’s your sister, your daughter, your best friend. As my wise friend once said, “I am so tired of my girlfriends hating their bodies.” Yeah, me too. 

So, as a gift to myself for my 36th birthday, I decided to stop the madness and start the loving. I love others too much to not give myself that same love and respect with this long overdue gift. I’m not a mother yet but damned if I’ll one day teach my daughter to hate her body. I want her to love her body, respect her body and enjoy her body for everything it’s worth. And how can I do that one day if I can’t do that myself today?

So what was the catalyst that made me turn the body-hating page to a body-loving page?
Well, I ended up doing said boudoir shoot I mentioned up above with Claire Pearce and  Unbuttoned Photography.

Now, I’m not saying that this cures all ills and that you’ll be dancing around naked on stripper poles in the middle of the street. I certainly am not.

But it did help me appreciate my body the way it is right now – every curve, every scar, every flaw and every feature  - that makes me uniquely me. And now I’m sharing it with you. So please, um, be kind.

 

 

While photographer, Claire – and Sherry (her assistant) – prepared for the shoot, I was primped to the hilt with hair and makeup by Emma Willis of Contour Fossa Makeup & Hair. There was something about sipping champagne, listening to D’Angelo, Marvin Gaye, Meiko and Robin Thicke, and writhing around in silky lingerie on my bed with pumps on that made me feel, well, sensual. And it was not a bad feeling to feel.

 

 

 

 

I have found that this one day spent showing my body a little love and respect has made me a better lover, better friend, better daughter, better one-day wife & mother and better woman.

 

 

 

I loved it SO much that I plan on doing it yearly to appreciate myself and maybe – just maybe – gift the one I love with, as well one day.
I have turned a corner and it’s a corner that I wished I’d turned years ago. I really hope you find it inspiring to start your own self body-love movement and find time to have a day of your own to celebrate the skin you’re in.

So here’s to closing an old chapter and turning the page to an exciting new chapter. And hey, 36? Bring it on.

*If you’re in LA, next Sunday 11/24,  Unbuttoned Boudoir Photography has a special running right now for $745 for 14 images, hair and makeup! Um, can you say perfect holiday gift for the honey or yourself?

 

Photography by: Claire Pearce of Unbuttoned Photography

Hair & Makeup by: Emma Willis of Contour Fossa Makeup & Hair

Tassel Garland Deco by: Studio Mucci

xoxo,
BF

BF Asks: Are you one of the 91% of american women who are unhappy with their bodies? What do you do to give yourself more confidence?