I remember.

Today. September 11th. It never gets easier.

 

Our recovery comes in our remembering. And our peace comes in our memories of the ones we lost. Here’s what I remember.

I remember being woken up by frantic phone calls from my mom and ex-boyfriend, Chris Telles, in Texas. It was still dark out here on the west coast and the sleep in my eyes would barely let me make out the horror that was playing out on the television. It was right before the second tower was hit. It felt like it was the acopalypse and at that age, I don’t know if I really even knew what that meant. I just remember thinking it. With these two calls, I remember feeling both loved and very, very alone.

I remember needing to get out of the house and desperately needing to be with other people. I did NOT want to be alone. It was unbearable. So I went over to Ned & Sarah Brower’s apartment on Spaulding. There, we sat in Craig Weaver’s apartment watching the footage. I realized I wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to be alone. And I am still so thankful for those people.

I remember LA felt like a ghost town that day. I had to go grocery shopping so I went to the Whole Foods on Fairfax and Santa Monica where I exchanged sad, gentle smiles with strangers to whom I felt instantly bonded. I don’t go back to that location very often because it will always remind me of that sad, scared, empty feeling.

I remember going to meet my new Hawkeye band members, Jeff Bell and Kalai King at their apartment with my roommate at the time, Lauren Kahner and her boyfriend – and our amazing piano player – JK Morrical. We sat there and talked for hours, listening to music and drinking wine – and I knew that I had found a family of a sort.

Hawkeye at The Roxy

 

James Taylor’s Fire and Rain came on and we were all silent. That song would always mean that mournful moment to me.

 

 

I remember that I loved Ryan Adams’ Gold that fall and his song, “New York, New York” will always give me chills and take me right back to that sad season. Songs are powerful elixirs like that.

 

 

 

I remember that after that evening, I didn’t feel alone anymore.

These are my memories and they are as vivid today as yesterday and I didn’t even lose anyone.
Blessings, love and healing to all of those remembering their loved ones today.

 

xoxo,
BF

BF Asks: Where were you on the day the world stopped turning?